I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that. Votes: 7
Mitch HedbergIf your best friend has stolen your girlfriend, it does become life and death. Votes: 4
Ben KingsleyCurrently I'm not a crazy ex-girlfriend, but I can't promise I won't be one again. Votes: 4
Miranda LambertI can only have dinner with my girlfriends once a month instead of once a week. Votes: 4
Andrea JungI don't date my girlfriend because she's a model. I date her because I love her. Votes: 4
Adam LevineIt was all fun and games until someone else's dick was in your girlfriend's TMJ mouth Votes: 4
Tara SivecI loved the idea of Travolta sitting on the kid's swing, pining away for his girlfriend. Votes: 4
Randal KleiserThere's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. Votes: 4
Jack NicholsonI am generally cast as the dependable, affable, loving, friend-wife-girlfriend. Votes: 3
Rashida JonesWhere's the line between professional girlfriend, and just plain professional? Votes: 3
Sarah Jessica ParkerYou will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality! Votes: 3
John GreenI gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day... Chlamydia. Votes: 3
Frankie BoyleI'm getting pretty worried. My girlfriend hasn't gotten her period. And she's already 14. Votes: 3
Anthony JeselnikWhen you're wondering whether she's his daughter or his girlfriend, she's his girlfriend. Votes: 3
Pamela DruckermanHappiness is when you see your husband's old girlfriend and she's fatter than you. Votes: 3
Croft M. PentzNo girl wants a secretly gay boyfriend, every dude wants a secretly gay girlfriend. Votes: 3
Joe RoganI'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers. Votes: 3
Frank CarsonGeorge Eliot is my only steady girlfriend. We go to bed together every night. Votes: 3
Peter O'TooleDespite what your girlfriend may have told you, size is important, bigger is better. Votes: 3
Gene SimmonsMy girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing. Votes: 3
Zach GalifianakisYeah, that's exactly what I want. To help my girlfriend get her old boyfriend back. Votes: 3
Richelle MeadIf you want kids, choose your girlfriend like your future child has the deciding vote. Votes: 3
Stefan MolyneuxI just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man. Votes: 3
Doug BensonI was always the hero's girlfriend or wife - actually, the woman with no voice. Votes: 3
Maggie CheungI watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend. Votes: 3
Dave AttellBrittany and I don't date other people." "Why not?" "It's called being boyfriend and girlfriend. Votes: 3
Simone ElkelesMy girlfriend is sad and quiet and keeps me up all night worrying about her. Votes: 3
Rainbow RowellYou might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor. Votes: 3
Jeff FoxworthyYou told me, girlfriend. Will your boyfriend be jealous we're tossing bitchy banter back and forth? Votes: 3
Lorelei JamesVery sorry to disappoint you, guys. It was not for my girlfriend but for Sachin Tendulkar. Votes: 3
Yuvraj SinghMy ex girlfriend and I, we had chemistry together. And right after that, we had biology. Votes: 3
Jarod KintzI'm a bit of a design enthusiast, and like spending time with my girlfriend and mates. Votes: 3
Nick D'AloisioMy girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice. Votes: 3
Adam FerraraA new club is like having a new girlfriend " you don't have feelings straight away Votes: 3
Michael OwenI was thinking it was worth the risk if it meant forever with my faery girlfriend. Votes: 3
Melissa MarrI like girls, but I prefer having a girlfriend. I like having someone I can spoil. Votes: 3
Harry StylesI feel comfortable with what I do and I guess that my girlfriend feels the same. Votes: 3
Felix BaumgartnerI do love playing games, but once I have a girlfriend, she will be my princess. Votes: 3
Cho KyuhyunMy girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something. Votes: 3
Emo PhilipsI feel worthless. My girlfriend was attacked on the subway yesterday. And I can't even enjoy it. Votes: 3
Anthony JeselnikI can make your girlfriend scream louder than you ever could just by pressing her follow button. Votes: 3
Harry StylesIf you can't keep your hands off your girlfriend, then keep your hands off of God's daughter. Votes: 3
Kimberly HahnIf a star football player can have a mythical girlfriend, why can't I have a mythical Congress? Votes: 3
Tina BrownI want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that's gonna love me back. Is that psycho? Votes: 3
Michael SchoefflingMy girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. Votes: 3
Emo PhilipsMy girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend. Votes: 3
Anthony JeselnikIt would be a bit awkward to be with a girlfriend who didn't love what you do. Votes: 3
Ashton IrwinI'm not gay, a lotta people think I'm gay. I have a girlfriend. She thinks I'm gay. Votes: 3
Tom DeLongeIf rain is God crying, I think God is drunk and his girlfriend just slept with Zeus. Votes: 3
Chuck KlostermanThe burn is my girlfriend, failure is my ex. I'm married to the track and engaged to success. Votes: 3
Andre BrambleMy high school girlfriend would ask if I finally learned how to unbutton the back of a sweater! Votes: 3
Breckin MeyerI got Soul Power, never took a cold shower, Never had a girlfriend the color of cooking flour. Votes: 3
J-RoI'm a horrible girlfriend. I always was. I'm great at the beginning, because I can be very romantic. Votes: 3
Fran LebowitzVeal is a very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute but boring and expensive. Votes: 3
P. J. O'RourkeAnd my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone! Votes: 3
Rodney DangerfieldBe the girl his ex girlfriend will hate, his mom will love, and that he will never forget. Votes: 3
Thoughts of a real manShe was the kind of girlfriend God gives you young, so you'll know loss the rest of your life. Votes: 3
Junot DiazI love getting a smile out of my girlfriend - that makes me feel like I'm seen, or heard. Votes: 3
Jason MrazSo many girls and guys want to find a girlfriend and settle down. But it's fun to be single. Votes: 3
Brody JennerI just like to sit and admire my garden; it's so well kept by my gardener and my girlfriend. Votes: 3
Anton du BekeI've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriendâs killer⦠but no one will do it. Votes: 3
Anthony JeselnikI cried when my ex-girlfriend sent me a text message saying how much she liked my present to her. Votes: 3
Tao LinI would be a horrible girlfriend at this point in my life, because Iâm both needy and unavailable. Votes: 3
Lena DunhamThe girls show up wearing nothing. I can't lie, I'm 16, I don't hate it. I don't have a girlfriend. Votes: 3
Justin BieberMy girlfriend asked me if I only love her for her body. I said no, baby. Just parts of it. Votes: 3
Anthony JeselnikI don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that. Votes: 3
Mitch HedbergYou can't trust girls. When I get a girlfriend I am not going to tell her where I live or work. Votes: 3
David ThorneI have never turned to my girlfriend and said, Oh, okay, babe, and I see it in scripts all the time. Votes: 3
Casey WilsonMy girlfriend is a great support, and I've got a big circle of mates who keep my feet on the ground. Votes: 3
Rob James-CollierI try to keep that quiet unless it is asked but yeah, I have a girlfriend and she is a great girl Votes: 3
Jesse McCartneyI really just want to do the best at everything I do. I just want to have all the great people around me that I feel is family, as well as my friends, and I have an amazing girlfriend. I think having love in your life is most important. Votes: 3 Evan Ross
With 'That Awkward Moment', you could argue I'm just playing the girlfriend of Zac Efron, but the director was such a creative force and let me make her my own. I loved being part of something that felt so relevant and fresh. Votes: 1 Imogen Poots
If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people. Votes: 1 Karl Pilkington
I think the qualities I look for in a girl I'd like to be my girlfriend would be the way Lindsay's character is before she becomes a plastic. Very real. Votes: 3 Jonathan Bennett
I've become really good at turning down the boring, pretty girl roles, the trophy wife, supermodel, beautiful girlfriend roles. I mean, playing somebody who's perfect holds no allure for me, whatsoever. It's just boring. Votes: 3 Rebecca Romijn
Beauty magazines make my girlfriend feel ugly. Votes: 1 James De La Vega
I'm not a militant lesbian. I carry myself in a way that makes it easier for women to relate to. I can be your best girlfriend. Votes: 3 Jackie Warner
If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine's Day. Votes: 1 Don Rickles
If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine's Day. Votes: 1 Don Rickles
I've become really good at turning down the boring, pretty girl roles, the trophy wife, supermodel, beautiful girlfriend roles. I mean, playing somebody who's perfect holds no allure for me, whatsoever. It's just boring. Votes: 1 Rebecca Romijn
umm... abit gross it kinda about boyfriend and girlfriend kinda going throw then they break up then they love each other then they make up again and the girl father said u have to come home until 9pm but the girls want more time to be with her boyfriend :) Votes: 5 Jacqueline Wilson
If you break up with a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you're in this vulnerable state where you're still kind of half in the relationship with them, but you're single, and it takes a while to feel solid in yourself again. Votes: 1 Sam Palladio
I mean everybody's got ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. Everybody's got baggage. Votes: 1 Nina Dobrev
I wasn't much into girlfriends. I was too busy tinkering in the garage. Votes: 1 Woody Norris
Stop walking back to the person who walked all over you. Recycle your heart with love not pain. Votes: 1 Trent Shelton
When I was twenty-two it was a lot harder to get hurt by women. It was easier for me to, you know, cheat on a girlfriend. I can't lie like that anymore. Votes: 1 Matt Dillon
Girlfriend and 100 Percent Fun were my two peeks, around '92 and '96. The reality is that the times I had the most media success, sold lots of records and played bigger shows, I had the least control of my own life. Votes: 1 Matthew Sweet
If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure. Votes: 3 Joe Rogan
My girlfriend's dad runs the Prostate Centre on Wimpole St. in London, and he's chairman of Prostate U.K., which I think is the second-largest prostate cancer charity in Britain. Votes: 1 Christian Cooke
I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny. Votes: 4 Dane Cook
When you are not missing something, longing for something, you don't really think about it that much. It's like that girlfriend you don't want to have anymore. You don't think about her anymore. Or ex-husband. You just don't. Votes: 1 Danica Patrick
I'm honestly kind of scared of horror films. My girlfriend always tries to expose them to me. Being in a scary movie and seeing all the fake blood and stuff definitely takes away from the magic and kind of humanizes scary movies to me now, though. Votes: 1 Chris Carmack
Well, a girlfriend once told me never to fight with anybody you don't love. Votes: 1 Jack Nicholson
Leaving America is like losing twenty pounds and finding a new girlfriend. Votes: 1 Phil Ochs
When I was 16 or 17, I remember kissing one of my first girlfriends, Kim Anderson, under a stairwell at Disneyland. I'll never forget that feeling. Votes: 4 John Stamos
Well, a girlfriend once told me never to fight with anybody you don't love. Votes: 3 Jack Nicholson
When I was about 14 I remember thinking when it came to proposing to my future girlfriend, I'd make a CD with all her favourite songs and a message that said, 'Will you marry me?' Shows you what a romantic I was. No one listens to CDs any more. It's all about iTunes. Votes: 3 Tinie Tempah
When my girlfriend and I talk about being happy, I'll get choked up, which I think is the greatest gift you can give a girlfriend. Votes: 2 Seth Meyers
I mean everybody's got ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. Everybody's got baggage. Votes: 1 Nina Dobrev
I love football and beer and have a normal girlfriend. Votes: 2 Josh Duhamel
Music is my wife, and acting is my girlfriend. Votes: 1 Mark Salling
Beauty magazines make my girlfriend feel ugly. Votes: 1 James De La Vega
I'm honestly kind of scared of horror films. My girlfriend always tries to expose them to me. Being in a scary movie and seeing all the fake blood and stuff definitely takes away from the magic and kind of humanizes scary movies to me now, though. Votes: 1 Chris Carmack
Having girlfriends is... I can't do it. It doesn't mean I don't hang out with girls. It just means that I don't like being in a relationship, because it makes things very complicated. The one piece of advice that I listen to adults on - because I don't listen to adults when it comes to most things - is that I'm too young to have a girlfriend. Votes: 1 Jaden Smith
If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine's Day. Votes: 1 Don Rickles
I change my mind so much I need two boyfriends and a girlfriend. Votes: 1 Pink
When I was twenty-two it was a lot harder to get hurt by women. It was easier for me to, you know, cheat on a girlfriend. I can't lie like that anymore. Votes: 1 Matt Dillon
When I was twenty-two it was a lot harder to get hurt by women. It was easier for me to, you know, cheat on a girlfriend. I can't lie like that anymore. Votes: 1 Matt Dillon
When I was 13, I remember crying on my mum's shoulder when my first girlfriend dumped me via MSN Messenger. That was cold. Votes: 1 Conor Maynard
I've died so many times. I'm 65. On my 40th birthday, my girlfriend gave me a reel with ways I had died, whether it was by knife, or electrocution or drowning or being thrown off a building or whatever it might have been. I've died a lot of times! Votes: 1 Jonathan Banks
I would love to close my eyes and see myself with my girlfriend when we're 99 years old and I have a pipe and she's knitting a sweater, and I hope that's the way it goes. I think it's a challenge every day. Votes: 1 Chris Messina
My first serious girlfriend, when I was 16, was Mormon. I went to her house for 'family home evening,' and I was like, 'Why aren't you people ignoring each other and watching television?' Votes: 1 Trey Parker
That's a rule in the business. No tongue. You can't really get into it, otherwise, it's weird. I think that particular scene made his (Adam Brody) girlfriend jealous. There were issues. Votes: 3 Rachel Bilson
Leaving America is like losing twenty pounds and finding a new girlfriend. Votes: 1 Phil Ochs
Go to a wig store with your girlfriends, never by yourself. You need someone to say, 'Girl that looks good!' You need someone to encourage you to try pieces on. Try to purchase a wig close to your natural hair color as possible, don't come in with brown hair and try to leave as a redhead unless you are fine with that! Votes: 1 Sherri Shepherd
There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. Votes: 1 Jack Nicholson
Not every problem someone has with his girlfriend is necessarily due to the capitalist mode of production. Votes: 1 Herbert Marcuse
Getting plenty of sleep is always great. It really is. I have a girlfriend who's sending me a slant board. Votes: 1 Bernadette Peters
I feel like girls always deserve flowers; it's just a nice thing to do. If you want to make your girlfriend smile, send her flowers! Votes: 3 Bella Thorne
A guitar player goes on the road, and he misses his girlfriend for a while, but he manages to get along. A horn player gets out on the road, plays two or three towns, and then he'll get lonely, and next thing you know, he's packed up and left. It's better not to hire him in the first place. Votes: 1 Albert King
If you break up with a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you're in this vulnerable state where you're still kind of half in the relationship with them, but you're single, and it takes a while to feel solid in yourself again. Votes: 1 Sam Palladio
I am a spiritual person in an eastern religion kind of way. I learned that happiness for all of us is a switch that you flick in your brain. It doesn't have anything to do with getting a new house, a new car, a new girlfriend, or a new pair of shoes. Our culture is very much about that; we are never happy with what we have today. Votes: 1 Tom Ford
I am a spiritual person in an eastern religion kind of way. I learned that happiness for all of us is a switch that you flick in your brain. It doesn't have anything to do with getting a new house, a new car, a new girlfriend, or a new pair of shoes. Our culture is very much about that; we are never happy with what we have today. Votes: 1 Tom Ford
Dancing inspires my music. Having your girlfriends all together and just being free and happy. Votes: 1 Bella Thorne
I hate writing texts to girlfriends because you can't really see emotions in texts. You can get confused on what she says. Votes: 1 Theophilus London
We have a saying in my house, my kids and my girlfriend. We say, 'Be your best for the greater good, and rock out wherever you are.' Votes: 1 Michael Franti
I'm not a player! I'm the girlfriend type! I always have girlfriends. Votes: 2 Kevin Connolly
Being a decathlete is like having ten girlfriends. You have to love them all, and you can't afford losing one. Votes: 1 Daley Thompson
I loved the idea of Travolta sitting on the kid's swing, pining away for his girlfriend. Votes: 4 Randal Kleiser
I love my girlfriend to bits. I'd never do anything to hurt her. Votes: 1 Charlie Simpson
When it comes to romance, I believe in keeping it simple. With my last girlfriend, we were on our way to our favorite restaurant when I pretended that the car was crappin' out. I asked her to get out and check if smoke was coming from the exhaust. When she did, I popped the trunk and inside were six dozen roses and a stuffed bear. Votes: 1 Justin Chon
Leaving America is like losing twenty pounds and finding a new girlfriend. Votes: 1 Phil Ochs
Go to a wig store with your girlfriends, never by yourself. You need someone to say, 'Girl that looks good!' You need someone to encourage you to try pieces on. Try to purchase a wig close to your natural hair color as possible, don't come in with brown hair and try to leave as a redhead unless you are fine with that! Votes: 1 Sherri Shepherd
My high-school years were so mediocre - I moved out when I was 16 and started living with my girlfriend who was 10 years older. Apart from that, I was just a video nerd. Votes: 1 Jason Reitman
Leaving America is like losing twenty pounds and finding a new girlfriend. Votes: 1 Phil Ochs
I love football and beer and have a normal girlfriend. Votes: 2 Josh Duhamel
I like to think of myself as very loyal, and I love everyone I surround myself with, whether they're friends or girlfriends or whatever. Votes: 1 Taylor Lautner
In high school, I was lucky enough to have a big group of girlfriends that have really inspired a lot of the stories in my books. I'm still close with my friends from that time, so it's never very hard to put myself back into that place, that voice. Votes: 1 Sarah Dessen
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that. Votes: 1 Mitch Hedberg
I mean everybody's got ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. Everybody's got baggage. Votes: 1 Nina Dobrev
I think that my regrets mostly have to do with my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. Every once in a while, you get those flashback memories of conversations you had with your exes, and you just, like, wince when you're walking down the street. Something occurs to you, 'Oh, no, I said that.' Votes: 1 Mike Birbiglia
I think the reason I don't read is because, when I'm reading, I feel like I'm missing out on something else. You know, What are my friends doing? Where's my girlfriend? Votes: 1 Adam Sandler
If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine's Day. Votes: 1 Don Rickles
I would love to close my eyes and see myself with my girlfriend when we're 99 years old and I have a pipe and she's knitting a sweater, and I hope that's the way it goes. I think it's a challenge every day. Votes: 1 Chris Messina
Leaving America is like losing twenty pounds and finding a new girlfriend. Votes: 5 Phil Ochs
I was always the hero's girlfriend or wife - actually, the woman with no voice. Votes: 2 Maggie Cheung
It's weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends. Votes: 2 Carrot Top
I've been blessed with a lot of things in life, but God did not give me rhythm. Still, I love to dance - which past girlfriends always found hilarious. Votes: 3 Blake Mycoskie
I've become really good at turning down the boring, pretty girl roles, the trophy wife, supermodel, beautiful girlfriend roles. I mean, playing somebody who's perfect holds no allure for me, whatsoever. It's just boring. Votes: 1 Rebecca Romijn
What calmed me down finally was when my girlfriend got pregnant. Votes: 1 Johnny Knoxville
I think it's quite extraordinary that people cast me as if I'm Warren Beatty: until I met my present wife, at the age of 35, you could name two girlfriends. Votes: 1 Colin Firth
I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of, such as getting my girlfriend pregnant when I was 23 and the way I handled that. Votes: 1 Steve Jobs
Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend. Votes: 3 Amy Sedaris
It's important for me to treat a girlfriend with respect. My mum would be horrified if I behaved any differently - and I have sisters, and would hate for them to be treated badly by guys. Votes: 1 Louis Tomlinson
When you're a teenager, you want to meet a lot of girls - you want to get the most girls. You don't know anything about respect; you don't know anything about being faithful and loyal to your girlfriend. Votes: 1 Nas
When you're a teenager, you want to meet a lot of girls - you want to get the most girls. You don't know anything about respect; you don't know anything about being faithful and loyal to your girlfriend. Votes: 1 Nas
My girlfriend and I never let each other forget how much we love each other. It's all about reminding the other person how important and special she is to you. Votes: 1 Tyler Hoechlin
I like to buy girls shoes and jewelry. I buy stupidly expensive shoes. I got Louboutins for my mom and my girlfriend before. My mom was like, 'I can't wear these; they're too high.' I was like, 'Mom, you have to try them - they're so cool. They're red snakeskin!' She still wears them every so often, but she can't walk in them. Votes: 1 Ansel Elgort
If you can find a group of women, any age, who are supportive and kind and love you, that's the best. I have a group of girlfriends that I would lay in front of a bus for. They've picked me up through really, really bad times and I can definitely say I've done the same for them. Votes: 1 Katie Lowes
I didn't want to be a sweet boy's sweet girlfriend. I wanted to be Fawn's equal, the kind of girl who stood up for herself and took care of business, who cut guys loose when it was required. Votes: 3 Paula McLain
Sometimes the person that is best for you is the person right under your nose. I wanted to have a girlfriend in high school, and I know I would have treated a girl well, but instead I was just friends with a lot of girls. They ended up telling me later on, 'We're so perfect together,' but at the time, I wasn't the cool-enough guy. Votes: 1 Pete Wentz
Sometimes the person that is best for you is the person right under your nose. I wanted to have a girlfriend in high school, and I know I would have treated a girl well, but instead I was just friends with a lot of girls. They ended up telling me later on, 'We're so perfect together,' but at the time, I wasn't the cool-enough guy. Votes: 1 Pete Wentz
Beauty magazines make my girlfriend feel ugly. Votes: 1 James De La Vega
Music is my wife, and acting is my girlfriend. Votes: 1 Mark Salling
I've not got a girlfriend at the moment. Somebody said, 'Do you worry girls are just giving you attention because of who you are?' I was like, 'I'm 17, it's wonderful.' Votes: 1 Daniel Radcliffe
There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. Votes: 8 Jack Nicholson
Go to a wig store with your girlfriends, never by yourself. You need someone to say, 'Girl that looks good!' You need someone to encourage you to try pieces on. Try to purchase a wig close to your natural hair color as possible, don't come in with brown hair and try to leave as a redhead unless you are fine with that! Votes: 1 Sherri Shepherd